Regulating Emotions with Toddlers

Helping Your Toddler Learn to Regulate Their Emotions
A Guide for Parents of 3-5 Year Olds

As parents, it’s common to feel overwhelmed by the emotional rollercoaster that comes with raising toddlers. At this age, children are just beginning to understand and manage their emotions, and as they learn to navigate the ups and downs of their feelings, they often need guidance and support. One of the most important skills a young child can learn is how to regulate their emotions—that is, to understand their feelings and manage them in healthy ways.

What Does It Mean to "Regulate Your Emotions"?

Simply put, regulating your emotions means being able to manage and control your feelings instead of letting them take over your actions. For example, if your child gets upset over a toy being taken away, rather than throwing a tantrum, they can learn to take a deep breath or use words to express their feelings calmly. This skill involves:

• Monitoring emotional states: Being aware of how you feel at any given moment.

• Choosing how to respond: Instead of reacting impulsively, taking a moment to decide the best way to handle the situation.

• Adjusting reactions when necessary: Using strategies like deep breathing or taking a break to regain composure.

For toddlers, learning this skill is a process that takes time, patience, and practice—but as parents, you can play a huge role in guiding them through it. Here are five ways to help your toddler become more aware of their emotions and develop healthy strategies for managing them.

1. Model Appropriate Behavior

Children are expert observers—they learn a lot from watching the adults around them. If you want your toddler to understand how to manage their emotions, the first step is to model it yourself. This doesn’t mean you need to be perfect, but it’s helpful for them to see you handling your emotions in a calm and controlled way.

For example, if you’re feeling frustrated because something didn’t go as planned, instead of raising your voice or expressing frustration in an overwhelming way, you can take a deep breath, speak slowly, and express how you feel calmly. Saying something like, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, but I’m going to take a deep breath and try again,” gives your child an example of how to manage difficult emotions.

Additionally, modeling empathy is crucial. When your child is upset, acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I see that you're really mad right now, and that’s okay. I feel upset sometimes too.” This teaches them that emotions are normal and that it’s okay to feel them—what matters is how we choose to respond.

2. Create a Safe Space for Your Child

Creating an environment where your toddler feels comfortable expressing their emotions is essential. Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or frustrated, and that those feelings won’t make you love them any less. In fact, reinforcing the idea that you’re there to listen and support them can help them feel safe and understood.

Encourage your child to share their feelings with you. You might say, “It looks like you’re feeling upset. Can you tell me what’s going on?” You can also model this by talking openly about your own emotions. For example, “I’m feeling really happy because we get to spend time together today!” This shows your child that emotions are a natural part of life and that it’s important to talk about them.

Another important message is that they are in control of their emotions, not the other way around. Reassure them that they have the power to calm down or choose how to react, and give them the tools to do so.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness isn’t just for adults—teaching young children simple mindfulness techniques can be incredibly effective in helping them regulate their emotions. Mindfulness helps children focus on the present moment and pay attention to their physical and emotional states, which is an essential skill for emotional regulation.

Here are a few simple techniques you can try with your toddler:

• Deep breathing: Encourage your child to take slow, deep breaths. You can make it fun by pretending to blow up a balloon or smell a flower and then blow out the candle.

• Body relaxation: Guide your child through tensing their whole body and then relaxing it, counting to 10 as they do so. This helps them focus on their body and release tension.

• Five senses exercise: Help your child identify something they can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. This simple grounding exercise can help them calm down when feeling overwhelmed.

These techniques should be practiced regularly, even when your child isn’t upset. The more they practice, the more likely they are to use them naturally when emotions run high.

4. Encourage Problem Solving

When toddlers get upset, they often don’t know how to fix the situation, and that can lead to big emotional reactions. Helping your child develop problem-solving skills can make a huge difference in how they navigate challenges.

When your toddler encounters a problem (like a toy being taken away or not getting their way), instead of immediately jumping in to solve it for them, encourage them to think of solutions. You might say, “I see you’re upset because you wanted to play with that toy. What can we do to make this better?”

Provide them with simple strategies for resolving conflicts, like asking for a turn or finding a different toy to play with. Practicing these skills during calm moments, rather than when emotions are already running high, will help your child learn how to problem-solve when they need it most.

5. Encourage Positive Self-Talk

Self-talk is an inner dialogue that shapes how we view ourselves and our abilities. Positive self-talk can help toddlers feel more confident and better equipped to manage their emotions.

Encourage your child to remind themselves of their strengths, especially when they’re facing difficult emotions. Phrases like, “I am strong,” “I can do hard things,” or “I can calm down” can help them feel more in control. Praise them when they use positive self-talk, and reinforce that they are capable of handling their feelings.

Over time, this can build their emotional resilience and help them develop a strong sense of self-confidence that will serve them well as they navigate challenges throughout life.

Conclusion

Emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to develop, but with your support, your toddler can begin to understand their emotions and learn healthy ways to manage them. By modeling calmness, creating a safe space for emotional expression, practicing mindfulness, encouraging problem-solving, and promoting positive self-talk, you’re equipping your child with the tools they need to build emotional intelligence that will last a lifetime. With patience, practice, and a little love, your toddler can learn to navigate the emotional landscape with confidence and resilience.